There is one article in particular on Shine! by Yahoo that I absolutely love. It's entitlted " Top 10 Things to NOT Say to the Childess." I've stolen and shortened it (from Parents.com, hey I gotta give credit where it's due) and will add a couple of my own to the list at the end. Here is the link to the original article, complete with witty repartee. Here is the link to that article if you want to see the original.
What NOT to say
1. "When will you finally have kids?"
2. "We always wanted to have a family."
3. "I only invited other parents."
4. "Are you hung-over?"
5. "You're so lucky you get to sleep in/shop/travel."
6. "This must be birth control for you."
7. "Your dog/cat/parakeet is your baby."
8. "I can't die; I'm a mom."
9. "I'm sorry it's taken forever for me to call/email/text you back."
10. "You wouldn't understand."
Here are a couple that I have experienced in my current life:
11. "So you do WANT kids?" This is my number 1, absolute pet peeve of people that hardly know me.
What gets me about this one is the tone, and the level of increduality that goes with this. It must seem strange that a woman of my age (really, i'm only 28, but evidently I must look older than that) who has been married for 3.5 years doesn't have kids. It must seem like I really don't want to have children. I have yet to come up with a good response for this one. "Yes, i'm boinking my husband's brains out nightly but it just hasn't happened yet" is very tempting. But I like to think of myself as a classy individual, so I stick with the safe "maybe, someday" line. Lame, I know. I am welcome to suggestions of witty responses for that dreaded question.
12. "Baby On Board" signs in the back of cars. I really, really don't understand that one. Is that a sign for potential creepazoids to stay away from this car because you have a hormonal mother inside ready to pounce and claw to protect her young? Are you supposed to treat this car differently just bcause you have a baby inside? I drive daily, and my ultimate goal with driving, is to never get into an accident, ever, irregardless WHO/WHAT is inside that car. I mean really.
13. That stupid picture going around on Pinterest regarding stretch marks. I can't find the url for the picture, but basically it says "My body is not ruined. I'm a GD tiger who has earned her stripes". Well, good for you. I hate to tell lady, but there are plenty of people out there who have stretch marks, who don't have children. Are we not tigers because we didn't give birth? Many people have dealt with yo-yo weight loss and gain, eating disorders or any other myriad of reasons why she may have quickly gained and/or lost weight. This one sentiment in particular makes me feel bad. Like, I haven't done anything worthwhile to earn the ravages my body has been through. I want Mothers to be proud of what they have done for their children, because that is a big deal, but at the same time, it just kind of seems like a ploy to me.
14. Constant status updates about their child(ren) and everything wonderful they have done recently. I may be a bit pessimistic tonight, but for some reason, these people don't seem to have any real depth to me. I know you are excited, but there are other topics out there besides your baby.
I'm sure there are more out there, as you may attest to. If you have any great comebacks, be sure to let me know, because i'm always in the market for some new ones!! :)
--J
