You are not alone

"It is because of my wish to be helpful that I share my ideas and experiences; being helpful to even  one person is valuable"--The Dalai Lama


I have been dealing with unexplained infertility for a year and half now. 18 months. Some people will stop and consider just how quickly a year goes by....it seems like just yesterday that "xyz happened, blah blah blah".  Well, if you are a woman who can't have a baby, a year and half seems like you been climbing mountains forever.

I speak the lanaguage of TTC (Trying to conceive). I know what BFN and BFP are, who AF and DH are and when DPO and the dreaded 2WW occurs.  It should come natural to me ---> i'm an Army Wife and we are naturally very fertile plus our DH's speak in acronyms, so we should too ;)  . If you're like me though, I CAN'T STAND those message boards on TTC sites. I'm not sure what it is about those sites that annoys me, but I've just never been one of those crazy/I stand on my head after sex/oh my BBT is right we have to do it no matter where we are at/ Charlotte York types. Some of these women are like that, and i'm frankly not sure how you don't drive yourself crazy in the process! 

Back to it. We have been through every possible test that you can have, except for laproscopic surgery, and the result is "Unexplain Infertility". This is a blanket term for "you are not trying hard enough".  After thinking about it, i'm not sure which is worse, having something be wrong or having nothing at all be wrong. I'm a fixer. I like to fix problems that I see (almost to a flaw). It would have almost been easier if we had had some type of diagnosis for this and we could treat it. That would make me feel like that this wasn't our fault.   Husband feels the opposite He's glad there is nothing wrong with either of us and we can just keep at it. I know that I should be grateful for my health (at it's current state) and I am glad that I don't have to go through multiple, difficult and expensive treatments. But if you think about it, every month is difficult and could potentially be expensive. Here's why:

These women who stalk and obsess about the TTC message boards are those crazy sex-nazi types (which I am not). They will track their period and ovulation date (perfectly normal), do the dance and inordinate amount of times (perfectly normal), then go through the dreaded two week wait and will take pregnancy tests every 29th day (now's when you start bordering on obsessive, if you are not already there). If you didn't pay attention in high school biology, women's cycles are between 28-35 days. I would assume that most women have regular length of cycles (not me) and they can accurately predict their expected days of ovulation and/or use ovulation test kits. Their periods are due on approximately the 29th day. They get their HPT out hoping for a BFP (have you figured it out yet?) A big fat + is what they are waiting ever so patiently for. They spend hundreds of dollars on ovulation kits, pregnancy tests and eventually Clomid perscriptions as well. It's emotionally and financially draining and I feel like there is still a stigma for women to talk about their experiences with infertility. I'm that way, I will admit it. It's taken a lot of time and soul searching to decide if sharing my problems with the anoymous world is worth it. But I feel like if I can help/provide support for even one more woman or couple out there, it is all worth it. 

So here we are, 18 months later from where we started and still nothing. Luckily for me, I'm very tenacious and do not give up easily on other people or things changing. So I will continue my monthly struggle, with my head held high, trying not to let all the little things around me bother me.  After all, they didn't say it would be easy, but they did say it would be worth it --from Anoymous