A Non-Understander and Why I Love School

I've seen this picture floating around Pinterest before and it really stuck with me today. I was thinking about what it must be like to be a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom).  I've recently gotten a job working in a daycare center and am enjoying it. I have spent some time in the infant rooms, which are a lot of work. We have to check their diapers once an hour, and feed them every 2 hours.  The ratio we can have in a room is 4 infants to 1 provider. Imagine one person taking care of 4 babies. So in theory, we could have up to 8 infants and 2 caregivers in a room.

So, I guess my question is, what do Stay At Home Mom's do all day? I understand that taking care of small children is incredibly difficult and you do have one of the most important jobs in the world, being a Mom. I completely understand that. It's just on the outside, us "Non-Understanders" don't get it.  I change diapers, wipe noses, engage in tummy time, feed, wash hands, give hugs/comfort and help babies learn for a living. Yes, it is difficult. We do it with multiple infants in a room. It seems like to us 'Non-Understanders" that if you have an organized system worked out, then it should flow easily. The same schedule every day. Educational and interesting toys for children to explore and grow with. Naps. Bouncers. Pack and Plays. We simply don't get it. It seems to us on the outside that it should be possible to get things done around the house, even with children. The rest of us work for a living, and also take care of the house, schedule appointments and deal with people coming to the house to fix things. We have the added bonus of working with a divergent group of people whom we don't always agree with. You have to bear with us because if you aren't a SAHM,  just don't know. It's same type of argument as :if you aren't a Mom, you just don't understand or :If you are not military spouse, then you just don't understand.

No one dares criticize the doctors and scientists out there, because we know their job is difficult. But we really have no frame of reference for the things they do while at work, and they have no frame for what SAHM's do either. I was thinking about the blog post as I was fixing dinner and it occurred to me that I wouldn't want anyone to tell me their job was "so much more difficult than mine". And unfortunately, I did it earlier tonite on my facebook status so I do apologize. I think the bottom line is that no one wants to feel like the work they do has no value, which is how SAHM's are made to feel.

I think that if you want to be a Stay at Home Mom, more power to you and I'm going to try and understand where you are coming from. But I also would appreciate the same courtesy from you. I will try and put myself in your shoes and maybe you could do the same. Living is hard. ;)

 Now for me personally, I've never really had any desire to be a SAHM. I worked  hard to earn my degree and want to use it to it's fullest advantage. If I do ever have children, I do think it is important for me to work to be able to afford all the nice things that I do want them to have. Vacations? Heck yeah! But we have to be able to pay for it somehow, and me working only makes sense. Lovely educational toys and a beautiful nursery to grow in? Heck yeah! But we have to be able to pay for it somehow.  I may change my tune eventually if I ever do have children, so don't hold me to this.

As an Army spouse, if I do have children, I will end up putting my children in an Army Child Development Center. These places are awesome. They use only educational toys, require additional training for all employees, are structured, promote 'self-help' skills and teach kids how to interact with others in a social way. They provide opportunities that I myself might not able to provide for them if I stayed home (socialization, sharing and an abundance of toys). If you couldn't tell, I'm a huge proponent of a Child Development Center structure. During my day, we teach kids how to share and how to use manners. We encourage creativity and yet the discipline of cleaning up their messes. We use positive guidance, which BTW, is a great parenting technique (in my humble opinion).

I'm a huge proponent of a "school setting" and I think that daycare really has changed over the years, and has adapted to the changing times. It used to be that Mom's could stay at home with their children, but children still learned all those things mentioned above. My theory is that parents used to have more children than they do now, which in itself fosters a creative use of resources, self-help skills and socialization. Also, kids could play outside and with friends way more than they can now, also helping social skills. Society has just changed. It's not as easy for kids to be outside and independent as it used to be. In a way, a Child Development Center is the new take on the old style of parenting.

All in all, we should take a walk in someone else's shoes before we pass judgement on them. Everyone's job has value, even though it is a different type of value to every person. :)











Trying to be more understanding,

J

What's in a Name?

This post is meant to be fun and semi-informational. ;)


I've been kind of a know-it-all in the past, and I'm really trying to work on that. These are just my opinions, backed by my expansive experience in child care/ child dealings.  I'm basing most of this on my experience. :)

So, I'm totally on Pinterest, and because I haven't been working, I've been on there quite frequently this past month. I came across and pinned this picture, just because it really amused me, but it really got me thinking, err, ranting in my mind.




It's kind ironic because I'm the late bloomer of the group. Most of my friend's and family members have children. I'm actually kind of nervous because I don't want people to think that I'm stealing their baby names after that fact. I'm nervous too because what if the good ones are "taken" and you use it anyway, and someone gets their feelings hurt because you named your baby what you wanted?

 If you aren't familiar with Pinterest, there is a place for commentary at the bottom, which is totally pointless in my opinion. The picture had either shown up on Pinterest's "newsfeed" or in the popular section where I normally browse and many had commenting about how someone had stolen 'their' baby name. Makes me think about that Sex and the City episode about Charlotte, who wasn't even married at the time, had her secret baby name and the girls were going to a baby shower and the new mom took Charlotte's baby name. Anyway, it just really got me thinking about names.

I think naming my possible, future children will be one of the hardest things I ever have to do. I am the worst with buyers remorse. Every time I go to the drive thru  window and order, I always regret it and wind up wanting something else. It's probably because I'm always torn between things I really like and wanting to do the right thing. I just know that I shouldn't name a baby before I see it. I'll come up with some great name and start calling it the name, and then it's born, and I'm like "I should have named you something else". What a pain.

I'm also funny about a first name "going with" a last name. I love the way C and K names sound, but I'm not sure I want a C or K with a K last name.  The name really has to flow.

Also, a lot of names are ruined for me.  Everyone goes thru this. There is that one person that you just could not stand way back in the day and that homewrecker stole my boyfriend, and etc etc. Yeah, I get it. The problem with me is that I used to be a teacher and my husband used to be a cop. I dealt with the same people day in and our and Hubby didn't really, but he's still pretty jaded on names. I won't stoop as low as to reveal the names that are totally ruined for me just in case that a. happens to be your name or b. you really do love that name.

I"m really picky as well. I don't particularly care for girl names that end in Y or have the EEE sound. Like Polly. You get what I'm saying right? That's just personal preference. I really don't like when girls have names that sound male. Like this whole Jessica Simpson mess. Bless that poor child. She AT LEAST has the benefit of everyone knowing that she is JS's daughter. But Jessica couldn't even give her daughter a girl middle name either. In case you didn't know, Jessica Simpson named her daughter "Maxwell Drew Johnson". You read that right, her daughter. That just really bothers me. You know why? Because I'll probably end up being the substitute teacher that has her one day, and has no clue who she is, and calls out "Mr. Johnson! Please sit down!". How embarrassing. For both of us.  I mean, how am I supposed to know that Maxwell is a girl?

I'm all about "artistic expression" and "to each his own" but I think naming babies has gotten way out of hand. Before you get all defensive of choice for your child, hear me out please. Let me preface some of this. I taught in a small high school for four years, where I knew every child and their name. After becoming a military wife, I decided that since we weren't going to be at this duty station for very long, that I would substitute teach. Fine. Have you ever substitute taught? It is difficult. You go into a classroom of 30 souls that you most likely have no idea a. what their names are b. how to pronounce said names c. and what makes them tick.

 I once had a Breanna and a Breanna. What's the difference you might be thinking to yourself. Well, it doesn't look like much, but one is pronounced "Bre-ANNA and one is pronounced Bre-AHH-NA.  Here is the exact conversation:
Me: BreANNA are you here?
B1: Yes, but it's pronounced BRE--AHH-NA. Like, duh!
Me: Okay, sorry BRE-AHH-NA, you are here.
Me: Next, is the other BRE-AHH-NA here?
B2: No, I'm not here, because it's pronounced Bre-ANNA.
Me: Oh lordy.

I mean seriously, how was I supposed to know the difference?  I try to be very cognizant of saying people's names correctly, but there are some doozies out there. I once had someone whose name looked something like "Tsukinati". I had no idea how to pronounce this poor person's name. The worst part was that they were totally pissed off that I had no clue how to say their name. Like, I'm a mind reader. Another instance, was pretty comical at the time. Mom had been watching Maury (and I'm sure she will be embarrassed when I post this post, that she was caught watching Maury) but the person in question's name was "Undra". Mom texted me and asked me if Undra was a boy or a girl. After some debate, I figured out this was a "Who's the Father?" show and it must be pronounced "UHN-dre", hence force, a male. It was comical at the time but currently begs a point.

Another problem I have is when people want to be "unique" and spell their child's name "uniquely". Take for example the name Mike. Say it out loud even. It's a great name. But when you  meet someone for the first time and they introduce themselves as "Mike" , it's very easy to assume that it's spelled that way. Sometimes it's not. They may spell it "Myke".  Little kids are the worst about this, thru no fault of their own. You ask them their name, and you go to write it on the board and they reply indignantly "that's not how to spell it!". It's very difficult to explain to a child about something called "common spellings" and that their name is spelled differently than you are used to.  Trust me, it doesn't turn out well. I honestly feel bad for people named McKenzie, because there are 26 different ways to spell it.

I also have a problem with names that are unisex. I once had a Taylor Morgan.  I literally, had no idea if this was a male or a female. I can usually guess pretty accurately, and perhaps look at a female/male to possibly see if I guessed the right person, but I had no idea. If you go the unisex route, please at least give them a distinct middle name. I also worry about boy names are that effeminate. I'm really drawn to masculine names. Call me old-fashioned.

 I also hate when you loved a name first, and then someone on tv or the movies uses it and now everyone and their sister has named the baby this. Goodbye Aiden, Jacob, Grace and Elizabeth. We had some good times together in my head, but I don't want anything to think I've "stolen" their baby name or named you after Twilight.

I know that parents are trying to be "cute" and have something "meaningful" when naming a child, but please, I implore you, be reasonable.  Especially with small children, you, them and all of their family may know how to spell and say their names, but not everyone else in the world is going to know it or respect it's sanctity. This often leads to embarrassment and just general awkwardness.

I may have to stick with Jane and John for my future, possible children.

I luckily can say that I am still happy with the names I chose for my pets. Truman is 6 and yes, she is a girl with a unisex name, but she is also a cat. She is not a person. and I was 22. Truman fits my spunky little Tabby. I still love Teddy, even typing it still looks freaking adorable to me, and I love when other people say Teddy. I suggested and Shane had final say on Dixie and it still looks good on her. Maybe I will be alright naming my possible, future children....


Keeping Mum on Any Names,

J