I've seen this picture floating around Pinterest before and it really stuck with me today. I was thinking about what it must be like to be a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom). I've recently gotten a job working in a daycare center and am enjoying it. I have spent some time in the infant rooms, which are a lot of work. We have to check their diapers once an hour, and feed them every 2 hours. The ratio we can have in a room is 4 infants to 1 provider. Imagine one person taking care of 4 babies. So in theory, we could have up to 8 infants and 2 caregivers in a room.
So, I guess my question is, what do Stay At Home Mom's do all day? I understand that taking care of small children is incredibly difficult and you do have one of the most important jobs in the world, being a Mom. I completely understand that. It's just on the outside, us "Non-Understanders" don't get it. I change diapers, wipe noses, engage in tummy time, feed, wash hands, give hugs/comfort and help babies learn for a living. Yes, it is difficult. We do it with multiple infants in a room. It seems like to us 'Non-Understanders" that if you have an organized system worked out, then it should flow easily. The same schedule every day. Educational and interesting toys for children to explore and grow with. Naps. Bouncers. Pack and Plays. We simply don't get it. It seems to us on the outside that it should be possible to get things done around the house, even with children. The rest of us work for a living, and also take care of the house, schedule appointments and deal with people coming to the house to fix things. We have the added bonus of working with a divergent group of people whom we don't always agree with. You have to bear with us because if you aren't a SAHM, just don't know. It's same type of argument as :if you aren't a Mom, you just don't understand or :If you are not military spouse, then you just don't understand.
No one dares criticize the doctors and scientists out there, because we know their job is difficult. But we really have no frame of reference for the things they do while at work, and they have no frame for what SAHM's do either. I was thinking about the blog post as I was fixing dinner and it occurred to me that I wouldn't want anyone to tell me their job was "so much more difficult than mine". And unfortunately, I did it earlier tonite on my facebook status so I do apologize. I think the bottom line is that no one wants to feel like the work they do has no value, which is how SAHM's are made to feel.
I think that if you want to be a Stay at Home Mom, more power to you and I'm going to try and understand where you are coming from. But I also would appreciate the same courtesy from you. I will try and put myself in your shoes and maybe you could do the same. Living is hard. ;)
Now for me personally, I've never really had any desire to be a SAHM. I worked hard to earn my degree and want to use it to it's fullest advantage. If I do ever have children, I do think it is important for me to work to be able to afford all the nice things that I do want them to have. Vacations? Heck yeah! But we have to be able to pay for it somehow, and me working only makes sense. Lovely educational toys and a beautiful nursery to grow in? Heck yeah! But we have to be able to pay for it somehow. I may change my tune eventually if I ever do have children, so don't hold me to this.
As an Army spouse, if I do have children, I will end up putting my children in an Army Child Development Center. These places are awesome. They use only educational toys, require additional training for all employees, are structured, promote 'self-help' skills and teach kids how to interact with others in a social way. They provide opportunities that I myself might not able to provide for them if I stayed home (socialization, sharing and an abundance of toys). If you couldn't tell, I'm a huge proponent of a Child Development Center structure. During my day, we teach kids how to share and how to use manners. We encourage creativity and yet the discipline of cleaning up their messes. We use positive guidance, which BTW, is a great parenting technique (in my humble opinion).
I'm a huge proponent of a "school setting" and I think that daycare really has changed over the years, and has adapted to the changing times. It used to be that Mom's could stay at home with their children, but children still learned all those things mentioned above. My theory is that parents used to have more children than they do now, which in itself fosters a creative use of resources, self-help skills and socialization. Also, kids could play outside and with friends way more than they can now, also helping social skills. Society has just changed. It's not as easy for kids to be outside and independent as it used to be. In a way, a Child Development Center is the new take on the old style of parenting.
All in all, we should take a walk in someone else's shoes before we pass judgement on them. Everyone's job has value, even though it is a different type of value to every person. :)
Trying to be more understanding,
J
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