Sorry I haven't posted in awhile...I have been super busy with life recently and ended up having to go out of town to look for a house for when we move soon.
Having a baby is all about having good timing. Let's just be honest.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I also believe in God's timing. I have no reason to doubt it either. I have had my fair share of mountains to climb in the past, but I have always been made better for it. At the time, I maybe didn't understand why things happened the way they did, but after awhile, I am so glad that they did.
It may seem unfair that I haven't been able to have a baby right away. But honestly, I'm really glad it hasn't happened in the past two years. The past two years have been super stressful for our little family (me and Hubby) and i'm so glad that I didn't put any additional pressure on him. Wanting to have a baby and actually having one are so completely different. Wanting one can wait. A baby in the middle of flight school cannot wait. Right now, I might not know the true reason why i'm infertile, but maybe in time I will come to understand.
This isn't to say that I haven't had my doubts. I used to wonder what could be better than having a baby (?!) A job? New friendships? Weekends of pure fun that I couldn't ever get back? Well, in short, yeah. I wouldn't trade the past two years of experiences for anything. Because now, I know that I don't want to be a stay at home Mom. I know that I want to keep working, to be able to afford a college education for my baby, or vacations to Europe that will expand their horizons. I can't replace Courtney (my best friend). Now someone will throw me a baby shower (eventually of course, thanks in advance Court!) and will be there for the birth/baptism of my baby. I had so many fun weekends at places like Club LaVela in Panama City Beach, going to a wedding of a dear friend from high school and several nights of Walleyball. I probably wouldn't have been able to do all of those things if I had a baby. How much different my life would be.
Being infertile is all about perspective. It's easy to get overwhelmed and to see all the negative parts of infertility. You've got to keep it in perspective. There is not to say that I will always have infertility either. I must remind myself of that as well.
People seem to think that reminding someone who is in any type of distress that "everything happens for a reason" and "it's all in God's timing" is a good idea. When your in the middle of the storm, it's really hard advice to hear (literally and figuratively). It just takes time to clear the debris from the storm. Now, I feel like I am more open to sitting down and figuring out the next steps.
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Jenna, If I could have changed one thing about getting pregnant I would have changed the timing. But obviously I can't. I really would have liked to have lived a little and done things for me like what you said, going out and seeing things. Having a child doesn't make it impossible but very hard, and very stressful at times. I love my child, but I would have loved to have had more time before she came into this world. But, the one thing that I'm learning still is that God gives us what He feels that we need in life, and He thought for some crazy reason April needed to come into the world when she did. God will bless you with a child when He feels that your ready. Maybe you won't have one of your own, because God wants you to do other things. It's up to Him and not us. If He didn't think that I couldn't handle having a child, then He wouldn't have given me one. You will follow Gods plan and when you ready you will be ready. I'm glad that your dealing with this the way that you are and I know that it's hard to hear things when your in the middle of it. But only time will tell....
ReplyDeleteLove you dearly!